Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Evan likes his wizards (and whisky).

New link- click it.
A fine young man by the name of Evan Stears:
Poet Laureate of the Paso Robles University of Cheap Liquor, Pornography, and Potterology. A true Triple Threat. He's also my Hooter's Trivia Nite tutor.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Some ill-informed and ill-formulated bullshit.

I never really discuss it (besides ranting about socialism and the abolishment of the class system), but I have a lot of interest in business and the interesting contradictions that make up the modern capitalist economy.
One thing that consistently baffles (and really bothers) me is the "Microsoft Mindset"- that is, diversifying your product offerings to a confusing and nonsensical degree. This doesn't come from the fact that I am a life-long, card-carrying Apple acolyte (cause I am), it's just a pet peeve I have about the business world. Google tends to do the same thing, just in my opinion, not a recklessly as Microsoft.
Why does Microsoft need to compete with everyone? I have never been able to understand why anyone, in business or life, refuses to be content with just doing one thing (or, a few things) really well.
Besides how to funnel money into it, what does Microsoft know, for instance, about web searching? What would make me, or any other Joe Consumer choose Microsoft Live Search (or whatever clever branding they've come up with) over Google (user friendly and familiar) or Ask.com (feature packed)? Why don't they just make a cool operating system- or even one that doesn't suck?
Ok, I just got really bored.
Maybe I'll finish this later... but probably not.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

What I'm Working On These Days:

-I'm working on an expose about the British fascination with cat news. Everyday I read the BBC web page, and about 90% of the time there is an article about something cat-related, from the King's Cross Tube Station's "Chief Mouser" to "Pussywillow, the UK's oldest cat (at 26!)."
Of course, my research hit a snag today when I couldn't find any suitable articles before getting bored reading about limey affairs.

-Recovering from my returning-espresso-machine-and-almost-not-getting-a-replacement endeavor. The old one started to shoot water out the bottom after exactly 15 uses. Strangely enough, the new one makes far more (and hotter) espresso, and the coffee carafe doesn't spill all over me when I pour from it. Unexpected benefits, for sure.

-Reminiscing about listening to DEVO's Girl U Want with Grant, since it's on the radio at the moment: "She sends an aroma all over my nuts/ Drips on down like a mist to my balls..."
Until just now (when I looked them up) I thought those were the actual words. Apparently, according to dubious web sources, they aren't. Allegedly, it actually goes: "she sends out an aroma of undefined love/it drips on down in a mist from above..." I refuse to believe this, since it robs most of my subversive enjoyment from the song. I'm sure Grant will be disappointed as well.
Also, I've been kinda obsessed with King Crimson's The Great Deceiver, which relates to the above because it's one of the first songs on Consolidated's landmark skate video "Number One," which I spent countless hours watching with Grant- that video was my first exposure to King Crimson, and more importantly, Black Sabbath. I know for sure that my favorite line from the song is "Cigarettes and Ice-Cream..."

-More music nostalgia: The Song Remains The Same and Nirvana Unplugged just came out on DVD. TSRTS was the first music movie I ever remember watching- my first video rental from Video Palace in Paso. I remember being captivated by glances of Jimmy Page's Orange Amplifier, and deciding after watching the live performances that Jimmy Page was too good for me to even bother learning his guitar parts. I don't think I ever bothered trying to play a Led Zeppelin song (besides Stairway To Heaven, very unsuccessfully, in like 8th grade) until about 2004.
Unplugged, on the other hand, had kind of the opposite effect (well, more truthfully, the CD did-. I was too punk to watch MTV, so I don't think I actually saw the TV show until 5 or so years ago). I probably wouldn't have learned to play Bowie or Lead Belly songs without that record. Oooooh, such a critical landmark! Such barrier-breaking! I, for the record, did own Nirvana's "first album," so I did know About A Girl, thank you very much, Kurt.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Monday, November 12, 2007

After that last glut of useless posts, I don't have much to say.

Except that I deeply, deeply hate The Hold Steady and The Arcade Fire.

And that I have a sore throat.

And that the weather is nice.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Halloween Blogstravaganza, pt. II

Or, The Economics of Candy Tampering.

Are concerned parents/authority figures still alerting childern to the dangers of tampered-with candy? That was a big deal, back in the day. Thankfuly, I think my parents were a little to sensible for that whole craze, and with good reason.
Who wastes their time, and, more importantly money tampering with the candy they are about to give trick-or-treaters? Seriously- the notion is ridiculous.
If I know one thing about drugs and/or razorblades, it's that they cost money. Why would some dude, presumably a drug dealer (or really, just someone who happened to have an above-average amount of drugs laying around), just decide to forgo all the potential profit (or high-ness), and just dole 'em out to unsuspecting Ninja Turtles and Witches? It's not like they could come back once they got hooked and get more (the candy is laced, get it?).
Same goes for razorblades/needles/whatever. It's not like the kids instantly ingest the razor blade and the deviant can revel in the the childs pain. There's no payoff. Even serial killers need a payoff.
I'm sure it was all a huge conspiracy by the religious right to dissuade people from celebrating a "Pagan" holiday, so pardon me while I go worship the Dark Lord.

Halloween Blog Attack!

The Days Playlist: [Note: Why would I bother posting this? It's far too long. Oh Well.]
Criteria: Creepiness, subject matter, evilness.

Artist - Name
Sonic Youth Hendrix Necro
Shellac Ghosts
Sonic Youth Screaming Skull
Converge The Saddest Day
Sunn O))) It Took The Night To Believe
Some Girls Deathface
The Misfits Vampira
Hella The Devil Isn't Red
Desert Sessions Dead In Love
The Misfits Hellhound
Led Zeppelin In My Time Of Dying
Pil Death Disco
Converge Hellbound
Danzig Killer Wolf
Bauhaus Dark Entries
Mastodon The Wolf Is Loose
Samhain Halloween II
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds Red Right Hand
Fugazi The Kill
The Darkness Black Shuck
The Birthday Party King Ink
Mark Lanegan Death Valley Blues
The Beatles Maxwell's Silver Hammer
The White Stripes Death Letter
The Hives Die, All Right!
Wipers Potential Suicide
New York Dolls Frankenstein
Joy Division Shadowplay
Mogwai Black Spider
Hot Snakes Who Died
The Misfits Devil's Whorehouse
The Misfits Night Of The Living Dead
The Damned Born To Kill
Danzig Soul on Fire
Explosions In The Sky Welcome, Ghosts
Samhain Black Dream
Dillinger Escape Plan With Mike Patton Come to Daddy
The Damned Stab Your Back
The Misfits Green Hell
The Jesus & Mary Chain Darklands
Converge Black Cloud
The Hives Abra Cadaver
Doomriders Black Thunder
Samhain He-Who-Cannot-Be-Named
Mudhoney Halloween
Fantômas Rosemary's Baby
H.I.M. Don't Fear the Reaper
Mos Def The Boogie Man Song
Cursed RIP
Led Zeppelin Black Dog
Converge In Her Blood
The Misfits Halloween II
Hot Snakes Hatchet Job
Cave In Trepanning
Samhain Macabre
Iggy Pop Kill City
T.S.O.L. Code Blue
Danzig Evil Thing
Danzig Long Way Back From Hell
Queens Of The Stone Age Someone's In The Wolf
Samhain Initium\\Samhain
John Frusciante 666
Explosions In The Sky Greet Death
Led Zeppelin Gallows Pole
Desert Sessions Covered In Punks Blood
The Misfits London Dungeon
Elliott Smith See My City Dead
T.S.O.L. Silent Scream
Hot Snakes Suicide Invoice
Beck Devils Haircut
Black Sabbath Hand of Doom
The (International) Noise Conspiracy Black Mask
The Faint Agenda Suicide
The White Stripes Little Ghost
The Misfits Horror Hotel
Metallica Dyers Eve
The Misfits Bloodfeast
The Misfits Cough/Cool
Joy Division Dead Souls
Mogwai Kids Will Be Skeletons
Eagles of Death Metal Speaking In Tongues
The Beatles Helter Skelter
Metallica Fade To Black
Metallica One
The Raconteurs Blue Veins
Black Sabbath Electric Funeral
The Misfits Where Eagles Dare
...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead Witches Web
Mastodon Cut You Up With A Linoleum Knife
The Raconteurs Store Bought Bones
Earthless Godspeed
Jesu Dead Eyes
The White Stripes 12 Catch Hell Blues
The Misfits Demonomania
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds Cannibal's Hymn
Queens Of The Stone Age Monsters In The Parasol
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds O'Malley's Bar
These Arms Are Snakes Drinking From The Necks Of The Ones You Love
Grinderman Grinderman
The Misfits Die, Die My Darling
Danzig Heart Of The Devil
Samhain Horror Biz
Mr. Bungle Everyone I Went To High School With Is Dead
Cursed Fatalist
Bad Brains Fearless Vampire Killers
Black Sabbath Children Of The Grave
Some Girls All My Friends Are Going Death
Depeche Mode Black Celebration
Queens Of The Stone Age Song For The Dead
Danzig Devil's Plaything
The Misfits Wolfsblood
Morrissey Ouija Board, Ouija Board
Bauhaus Stigmata Martyr
The Misfits Skulls
Queens Of The Stone Age Burn The Witch
Bauhaus Rosegarden Funeral of Sores
The Misfits American Nightmare
Sunn O))) & Boris Blood Swamp
The Cramps I Was A Teenage Werewolf
The White Stripes Black Math
Bauhaus St. Vitus Dance
Sonic Youth NYC Ghosts & Flowers
Hot Snakes Automatic Midnight
Cursed Hell Comes Home
Danzig Possession
Oingo Boingo Dead Man's Party
Dillinger Escape Plan Baby's First Coffin
The Faint Let The Poison Spill From Your Throat
Queens Of The Stone Age Intro/Who's Afraid Of The Big Bad Wolf?
Black Sabbath Black Sabbath
The Damned Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde
Joy Division Atrocity Exhibition
The Misfits Death Comes Ripping
The Misfits Devilock
The Smiths Pretty Girls Make Graves
Desert Sessions At The Helm Off Hells Ships
Smashing Pumpkins We Only Come Out At Night
The Cramps Zombie Dance
Some Girls Marry Mortuary
John Frusciante Murderers
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds Stagger Lee
Black Sabbath The Wizard
The Misfits Astro Zombies
The Birthday Party A Dead Song
Eagles of Death Metal Chase The Devil
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds Up Jumped The Devil
Eagles of Death Metal Kiss the Devil
The Blood Brothers Rats And Rats And Rats For Candy
Elliott Smith Son of Sam
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds Stagger Lee
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds Little Ghost Song
The Misfits Mommy, Can I Go Out And Kill Tonight
Slint Breadcrumb Trail
Some Girls Dead In A Web
Wipers Return Of The Rat
Led Zeppelin No Quarter
Samhain All Murder, All Guts, All Fun
Desert Sessions Up In Hell
Sunn O))) Vlad Tepes
Khanate Track 2
The Cramps Human Fly
The Misfits Halloween
AC/DC Back In Black
Queens Of The Stone Age 04 Into The Hollow
Desert Sessions Hanging Tree
Botch The Opera Song
Iggy & The Stooges Your Pretty Face Is Going To Hell
Fantômas The Omen (Ave Satani)
AC/DC Hells Bells
Black Sabbath Sabbath Bloody Sabbath
Godspeed You Black Emperor! The Dead Flag Blues
T.S.O.L. Funeral March
Cave In Halo Of Flies
Slint Nosferatu Man
Converge Hanging Moon
Converge Death King
Some Girls Gonna Set My Soul On Fire
Sunn O))) Báthory Erzsébet
The Misfits Horror Business
The Misfits Ghoul's Night Out
The Blood Brothers We Ride Skeletal Lightning
The Sword Winter's Wolves
Suicidal Tendencies I Shot The Devil

This May Be Crossing Two Lines.

"People are nauseous about being perceived as the enemy. After Abu Ghraib, reasonable, rational people were saying the most despicable things about America. Imagine that. The country that not only liberated Europe but rebuilt Europe with the Marshall Plan. The country of Omaha Beach. The heroism of people who gave their lives for people like my dad. I mean, this is the United States of America.

And, by the way, whoever fixes that problem gets elected. People say, "Oh, it's all about the economy." This is the first time it's not. It's about turning that idea around. We're the United States of America, and we do not like being seen as the enemy.

And it's a wave. I think the next generation is going to roll right over us. There's a new kind of hard-headed idealism out there, which is not about "Let's hold hands and wish away the world's problems." People are ready to change the world one brick at a time. I really believe that."

So yes, that is a Bono quote. And yes, it was from The Worlds Most Overrated (By Itself) Magazine (Rolling Stone). But a good sentiment, nonetheless. I don't generally think "entertainers" should speak on political matters, but, due to my punkish background, believe in that right for musicians. So there: I have no problems with being a contradiction.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Note To Self:

Sometime, when you are not quite so tired, discuss how your ear holes were shredded and your mind was blown (off) by the combined forces of The Mighty Mastodon and Unbelievable QOTSA Sleaze Rock Overload.
Jesus- shows that good should be illegal.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Evacuations, and... Lunch.

First up, check out my old friend Andy's (I'm not saying he's old, he's just been a friend for a long time... but he is older than me) blog. His observations are way more interesting than mine, plus he likes comic books. And he majored in Japanese (IIRC- maybe it was "just" Linguistics?). And his blog is very visually pleasing.

Second: Southern California is going up in flames around us, and I was reading an article the other day with people talking about what they would take with them if/when they had to evacuate their house. What would I take?
-Our cat, Oliver (he's quite furry and I'm surprised he hasn't lit on fire before. He looks to be more combustible than most animals, so he gets a very high priority. Well, that and I really like him).
-The Macbook and my 2 hard drives. (Yeah, superficially, my life is pretty much that computer. I don't think I could bear to lose my Protools song files from one drive or my iTunes library (especially if I couldn't grab my record collection) on the other).
-As much of my music gear as possible (I would be uncontrollably depressed without it. Priority goes to my SG and the Mesa amp head, both of which I have a ton of sentimental attachment to.
I guess that's it. Maybe a few pairs of jeans, some t-shirts, and a hoody. And a power strip, if I have tons of time. Dawn said similar: cat, computer, pictures, jeans.

Lastly: In case you wondered (and you definitely shouldn't), I eat pretty much the same thing for lunch every day. As follows:
-Main course: Usually a Tofurkey/cheese/sprouts sandwich. Peanut butter and (only) raspberry jelly, or leftover pasta are the only variables.
-Trader Joe's String Cheese: Like a preschooler.
-Trader Joe's Woven Wheat Wafers: Like Triscuits, but better because they are slightly saltier.
-Trader Joe's nonfat yogurt: Usually only raspberry, but I've rotated in black cherry, starting today.
-A gala apple.

I don't know what motivated me to type that out. I apologize.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Life is a series of random events.

-It's smoky. Ash is falling from the sky. Apocalypse?
-Bummed out by American Chopper: Vinny left the company. I'll really miss seeing that guy on the show.
-Two of my favorite bands broke up: The Blood Brothers (supposedly) and Some Girls. There will be a lot less new noisecore on my iTunes in the near future.
-And I hate cover songs: but the Killer's cover of Shadowplay is cool. I'm into it- even though covering Joy Division is like covering The Beatles or Zeppelin and should be off limits.
-While Malibu burned, Justin, Stevie and I had a Naked-jump-off-the-roof-into-the-pool Contest. Dawn and Jason watched in horror. I was also attacked by a bird (both the Avian and I were fully clothed at the time).
-Decisions, Decisions, Decisions: 3-Tone Sunburst, Olympic White, or Surf Green?
-I wish it would snow. Instead, it's like 94 degrees.
-I've been artistically stifled, and it's bugging the shit out of me. There is not enough time in the day.

Friday, October 19, 2007

These things don't usually go this well.

Not much going on here in blog land.
There's a feature in Blender about the worst lyricists in rock music- and it's pretty good. Accurate too (surprisingly). Sheck it out here.

In the "Fascinatingly Disgusting" Department: [Note: Beware.]
I have lots of problems with my ears. Nothing serious, just superficial, annoying things. Earplugs and iPod headphones don't fit in my right ear- I think it's oddly shaped. I have declining hearing (or so I thought). And, horrendously, I produce and inordinate amount of earwax. Yes, that's disgusting. I know- I have to live it.
Anyways, every couple months one of my ears (usually the bastard on the right) gets completely plugged. It happened again on Tuesday, worse than ever, and I'd had enough. So I went to the doctor, and some unfortunate (but nonetheless pleasant and gracious) nurse had to clean out my ear. And it wasn't pretty. I'll spare the details, but let's just say I could start an organic candle business very easily.
My point is this: my hearing isn't nearly as bad as I thought it was. I can hear far better now, especially in the higher frequencies. Thank you, Dr. Lo, and Nurse Whose Name I Didn't Catch. You've just contributed to my year of re-birth (first I find out I'm younger than I thought, now this). The moral of the story is: Doctors are not bad, but very useful. Also- don't clean your ears with Q-Tips. Ever. Seriously. Not that I did, but- seriously.

Finally- Plotting has begun on my Soon-To-Be-Legendary Halloween Playlist. Criteria: Outrightly evil-related song name, subject matter, or general creepiness factor. Ideas welcome. Also- (Shane) let me know what your playlist might be.

Post-Finally: Copious research has begun for my guitar nerd blog (hopefully Blog-Cum-Empire).

Post-Post-Finally: Waaaaay to many hyphens. I apologize.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Another one, only for nerds.

I have a new blog going down- about guitars and other noisemakers. If you're into that sort of thing, dig it here:


If not, fuck right off.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Severely Overrated Bands/Musicians

Because I am here to educate.
[Note: 2 posts in a day? What a fertile mind!]

-Radiohead: Everyone thinks they like Radiohead. Everyone thinks they should like Radiohead. I guess it is pretty "Avant-Garde" for Brits and people who don't know anything about music.

-Johnny Cash: It baffles me that people like Johnny Cash (even if he wasn't a country musician). He's not even a bad-ass, like his proponents would have you believe. He was a bad singer and a bad guitar player. So he played at a prison. Big fukkin deal- so did Metallica.

-The Pixies: Someone please tell me what's so great about The Pixies. Is it Frank Black's annoying-ass voice? The mediocre songwriting? The unoriginal sound? I can't decide.

-"Indy Singer/Songwriters": Iron and Wine, Bright Eyes, Bonnie "Prince" Billy, and their ilk. So, more dudes (with beards, more often than not) writing (sensitive) songs with acoustic guitars, but without the support of major record labels. Great. Enough said. [Note: "When The President Talks To God" is one of the best protest songs ever written, however.]

-The Arcade Fire: Go to hell. That is all.

-The Ramones: Bleh. Moderately catchy, moderately fast (The Damned=way faster while also being talented at the same time). Who cares? Plus, Johnny was a Republican.

-90% of the first wave of British Punk: Pretty much everyone except the aforementioned Damned, Wire (possibly one of the BEST BANDS EVER), the amazing Buzzcocks, and Johnny Rotten & Steve Jones from the Pistols. Sid? Fuck off.

-The Shins: Cause they just came on the radio, and they're not that good. Yeah, really.

-70's Prog bands: Rush, Asia, etc. [Note: King Crimson and Can are excluded, because they are actually underrated] These bands are the epitome of lame. For serious. No one cares about your wanky concept album.

-Stevie Ray Vaughn/Kenny Wayne Shepard/Other white guys that "just really identify with the blues," loooove Hendrix, and play a Stratocaster: Oh my god. Really? You expect me to believe you have the blues? Those faces you guys make when you're feelin' a blues riff travel straight from your soul through your fingers are ridiculous- hate to break it to you.

-Pink Floyd: See Radiohead, subtract 30 years.

-Oasis! How could I forget Oasis? What is so groundbreaking about these two twats? The British music press' crowning achievement in hype selling (see also: Libertines, Arctic Monkeys, Kooks, Fratellis).

Lately, I've been obsessed with:

-Morrissey:Everyday Is Like Sunday.
-Getting new adidas (it's like coming home after being lost).
-The combination of Swiss cheese and alfalfa sprouts on sandwiches.
-Finding a suitable desktop background for my computer.
-Fender Jazzmasters, Ampeg Dan Armstrongs, Fender Dual Showmans.
-Getting a new videogame system.
-Someecards.com. I can't look at them, because I lose control of my laughter.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

If You're Goin' to San Fransisco...

For years I've made it clear to people that I don't particularly like San Fransisco. It's dirty, bummy, smelly, and I just generally find it unpleasant. Are these good reasons? Probably not. Are they even valid reasons? Probably not. After much convincing, my cousin Michael convinced Dawn and I to come visit him at his pad in Marin (Greenbrae, specifically). And here's the photographic record proving that, even tough it took (literally) months of planning, we actually went.

Part 1

Here's the view from Michael and Kristin's (his roomate, and our neighbor from the Paso days) balcony. Thats the eastbay (Oakland, I think) on the horizon.

Here's the living room we lurked in. The way-too-small (twin style) blowup matress is in the lower left corner.

This is Kristin's cat Lupe. Looks can be decieving. She's our cat Oliver's neice (?), but I think her father is the Dark Lord.

Michael and Dawn, Larkspur Ferry.

There is one hell of a wind on the ferry.

North bay- Hippie/Yuppie Country.

It may be hard to tell, but the wind is blowing quite hard. Here I am nearly losing my glasses.

Golden Gate+fog=everyday San Fransisco.

The Bay Bridge and Financial District/Wharf

Alcatraz. Our main goal for this day was to go to, as Connery says, "The Rock." As usual, poor planning resulted in the damn island being sold out.

That bitch kicks out quite a frothy wake.

This picture is way better, and I don't feel like deleting the other one.

The ferry was rad. I suggest everyone take a time or two. It's only $7 each way, cheapasses.

Rolling into the Piers. Still very windy.

Most likely saying something rude and demeaning to my cousin.

Tourism 101.

North Beach is rad. Immediately prior to this was my first American cab ride.

Ravioli PWND.

A stereotypically steep street. Pretty nice day, huh?

Dawn+Chron. We met up with Megan shortly after this, but, as I am new to this whole picture-taking thing, you'll just have to take my word for it. Everyone (except, possibly Megan) was dissaponted at the lack of the usual Trannys/Prostitutes/Tranny-Prostitutes outside her building.

How can you go to SF and not ride the BART? After a loooong trek around SF, we happened upon the downtown Paul Frank store, minutes before Justin got off work. In lieu of hanging in China Town, we convinced Justin to take the ferry back to Marin with us.

Excellent snap by Dawn on the ferry back. "When the lights... Go Down... On The Citaaay... And the sun shines on the baaayyy..."

Jesus- such a tourist with a sunburn.

Part 2

Fog attack.

Dawn and Kristin (and Michael), Golden Gate Park.

People who live in glass towers shouldn't throw stones.


Aww, cute- strolling through the Enchanted Forest, perhaps? Nope. Staged cheesyness at the Japanese Tea Gardens.

Brian=Faux sensiitve.

I get distracted easily.

Two creepy dudes and a tree.

This pic would be so much better if there were no tourists in it. Still good, though.

For some reason, Dawn was obessed with getting Michael to climb over the fence and stand by the little water feature. He did, and regrettably, looks like he's relieving himself in the river. Classy.

Koi. So coy.

Amongst nature.

The Haight. Jesus- hippy drum circles galore and counterfeit rolex watches. My own private hell.

Straight up Mrs. Doubtfire.

On the way to the airport in Oakland, we stopped by James' Berkeley stomping grounds. We got some good food and ice cream, and he took us to this sweet hotel up in the hills. I can't remeber what it's called though. The Claremont?

I am pure sleaze.

A good try. This patio had a rad view.

The Enormous Mojito Chronicles.

At the airport. My focus was thrown off after I used the Oakland Airport men's room.

So that's pretty much it. I somehow managed to avoid seeing most of my friends that live in SF- sorry guys (especially Shane). But hopefully we'll be back soon. I don't hate the City so much anymore.