My Guitar Genome

If you know me at all, you probably realize I spend between 50 and 99% of my time thinking about guitars. Sometimes I play them (but probably not enough). So I decided (cause I'm boring) to figure out why I play guitar the way (read: as badly as) I do, and here's what I came up with- in semi chronological order of influence, of course.

-Jimmy Page: because I am, and have been obsessed with Led Zeppelin since I was about 11 or twelve. I think I got most of my "sloppiness is cool" ethos from that occult-lovin' sonofabitch, and it's come in handy a time or two. Also helped me realize, at a early age luckily, what guitars (and records in general) should sound like, and how to make them sound like that. My desire for a Les Paul and an Orage is still based around watching The Song Remains The Same during my formative years.

-George Harrison, Lennon & McCartney: Songs, songs, songs. Open chords, composition, creativity, barre chords (after I got over my fear of them). More than I can understand.

-John Frusciante: Though I find most of it unlistenable now, in 7th and 8th grade I listened to Blood Sugar Sex Magik night and day. Admittedly, it's a pretty sleazy record for a young kid to listen to, which I thankfully realized early enough to keep it on the down low in regards to parental ears. But Frusciante has always been unbelievably talented. He tends to be kind of sloppy too, flowing in front of and behind the beat, which I latched on to. And his, dare I say, "funkiness" subconsciously interested me too. Also, his clean guitar tone is unfathomably perfect, as far as I'm concerned. Also probably the first time I laid eyes on a Fender Jaguar, too. Much later, after he rejoined RHCP and putting out tons of awesome solo records, he got even more influential to me. His acoustic playing and use of vocal harmonies are also very big chapters in my book.

-Kurt Cobain: You knew it was coming. Not only did Nirvana teach me (and everyone else, according to the lionizing press) that I could be in a band, but they instilled in my psyche- I think most importantly- that your guitar playing is only as good as your songwriting and vice versa. Oh, and POWERCHORDS. Growing up in a shitty, white trash, small-ass town severely limited my ability to get turned on to stuff like real punk records- but without Nirvana I wouldn't have know about them anyway. Thanks to following Nirvana's exploits I learned about a lot of my favorite bands: The Wipers, The Vaselines, Black Flag, Black Sabbath and Steve Albini. And guitars too: Jaguars, Mustangs (and Jag-Stangs), Mosrites/Univoxes, and Pat Smear's awesome Hagstroms.

[Here's the abridged version of the rest.]

-Lyle Preslar/Minor Threat: Hardcore.

-Sonic Youth: The greatness of noise.

-Operation Ivy: Shitty tone is cool. 

-Black Flag: Hardcore jazz noise.

-The Beastie Boys: Jamming is the world's worst term, but the most fun activity.

-Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers: The importance of studying the classics.

- Descendents: The greatness of real pop punk.

-Weezer: Is heavy. And Pinkerton is awesome.

-Refused: Add up all of the above and throw in more awesome, and some communism too.

-Foo Fighters

-Jimmy Eat World

-At The Drive In

-Drive Like Jehu

-Smashing Pumpkins

-The Hives

-Sunny Day Real Estate

-Nine Inch Nails

-Converge

-The Get Up Kids

-Queens of the Stone Age

-The Stooges

-Joy Division

-The Darkness

-Frank Zappa

-Slint

-Mogwai

-Shellac

Ben Gibbard is the Mazda Miata of songwriting.

People who are into him think he's totally capable of taking on other sports cars- but he's really just underpowered and hopelessly cheesy. I'd just call him a pussy, but I'm no misogynist.
Not that I hate Death Cab- Transatlantacism is a super good record. The band itself is capable, and Chris Walla is mighty talented as a guitarist/instrumentalist/producer. But fuck- a song about glove compartments? Yes, I know it's a "metaphor," but it's still insulting to my intelligence.
Oh wait, it heart-on-the-sleeve songwriting.

I call bullshit.
"I will possess your heart?" Seriously? Come on dudes.

Moral of the story- I would punch the Gibster in the balls if he had any (but again, not a misogynist).

"Good artists copy, great artists steal."

I forget who said that. [Google update: it was Picasso. Sweet.]
Anyways, today, I'm attempting to steal the idea of "95% Albums" from Andy. And to make it my own, I'm titling it "95% Records." See what I did there? Creative, huh? Yeah, I know.
Just what the internets need- another douchebag pontificating on on music. Oh well. What else do I have to say? Unless you want me to ramble about the benefits of true-bypass vs. non true-bypass and buffered effects loops, or why 1970's Hagstroms are cooler than PRSes, this is what you get.

Coming soon:
Led Zeppelin III & IV (and I & II, and Houses of the Holy, and Physical Graffitti, and Prescence, and In Through the Out... Fuck. Nevermind. Led Zep (and The Beatles)=disqualified for being too good).
Refused: The Shape of Punk To Come...
White Stripes: White Blood Cells
Raconteurs: Broken Boy Soldiers
Weezer: Pinkerton
Wipers: Is This Real?
The Damned: Damned Damned Damned
Fugazi: In On The Kill Taker
Hot Snakes: Automatic Midnight
Nirvana: In Utero
Minor Threat: Complete Discography
Bad Brains: ROIR s/t
Descendents: Milo Goes To College
Queens of the Stone Age: Songs for the Deaf
Foo Fighters: The Colour and the Shape
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds: Murder Ballads and Dig, Lazarus Dig!!!
UNKLE: War Stories
Beastie Boys: Check Your Head

Yeah, most of those are pretty obvious, but, you know... my apologies for having good taste. As I used to say: "I get paid for my good taste in music." (Actually, I don't anymore, but I did at the time.)

On-going Goings-on.

Past week-or-so recap:

-There was a straight-edge documentary (narrated by Thurston Moore, which is funny for many reasons) on the National Geographic Channel. Pretty bad, by National Geographic standards, but pretty standard by straight-edge standards.

-Crazy backstage parties with the Lakes- you missed it, you're bummed.

-Chase and John came down- Chase ate my bagels, John regaled us with tales of expatriate life in Switzerland, and Dawn joined the three of us to experience the best and worst things about heavy metal. The Sword absolutely slayed, this band (I refuse to type their name) was the absolute definition of "unwitting joke," and I was blown away by Children, whom I had never heard before.

-Moving is progressing. Not as quickly as I'd like, but progressing nonetheless. Wanna see the new pad? If you want to send me any boxes, do so quickly.

-The Night Marchers and Flight Of The Conchords have new records out. Go buy them.

And last, but certainly not least, check this sweet myspace survey! [Sorry. I'm bored, and haven't even looked at one of these things for a looooong time. Props to Josh for originally posting it, and not hitting me in the balls anymore.]

Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a texting conversation with?
Me telling Dawn I finally hired the movers.

Where is the last place you went out to eat?
Chipotle with Chase and John (see above).

What was the last beverage you consumed?
Italian Dark Roast with a splash of nonfat Coffeemate (I know, I know. But the nonfat kind actually tastes better than the regular kind and/or nonfat milk.

Thoughts at this moment?
Formatting on Blogger sucks.

Do you bite your lips a lot?
I actually just did while typing the above response.

Medicine, fine arts, or law?
Art. Is there anything else?

Best kind of pizza?
Ham and pineapple is serious business.

Favorite drink?
A well made cappuccino in the morning.

Do you miss anyone?
Various dudes, I suppose.

What were you doing at 11:59 PM on Saturday night?
Seeing Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Who do you hate?
Most of the American public, neocons, outspoken religious people, the "President," people with bad taste in music... I could go on forever.

Who was the last person you had in your room?
I guess Dawn, but it's her room too.

Is your room clean?
Except for the large pile of laundry on my chair.

Can you speak another language?!
I create my own vernacular. Get hip.

What are you going to do tomorrow?
Work, food, pack boxes, watch Survivor, The Office, Scrubs, 30 Rock & Grey's Anatomy, play some gee-tar.

What is in store for your future?
Moving, in the immediate future.

Who was the last band you saw live?
The Sword (see above).

Do you take care of your friends when they are sick?
Sorry brah. Pass.

Do you like to read?
Constantly.

When was the last time you purchased something over $500?
Quite a while ago, I suppose, when a got a new amplifier.

Who is your favorite person to have a serious conversation with?
Serious conversations almost always consist of 90% bullshit.

What does your last incoming text message say?
"Nice!! Thank you for taking care of that."

Nickname?
When we lived in San Luis, Justin and I decided we needed sweet nicknames. He got Platinum Cobra, and I got Disaster.

Where do you want to go?
Australia, the South Pacific, Costa Rica, Mexico, London, Paris/Normandy, Florence/Rome, Japan, The Czech Republic, the former Yugolslavian nations, Boston, New York, Seattle, South Africa, India, Thailand, Scotland

What are you wearing?
T-shirt, jeans, adidas (alone in the office today).

What brand of digital camera do you own?
iPhone

When is your birthday?
11/4/79

Where was the last place you slept other than your own bed?
My bed at my mom's house.

How do u feel right now?
Slightly hungry.

How many kids do you want to have?
0.0

Do you like coffee?
I fiend for good coffee.

Who was the last person to call you?
Dawn, last night.

What are you craving?
The new Orange OR-50 reissue, a Valvetech Hayseed 30, a Jazzmaster, a silverburst Les Paul Custom.

Whats the closest red thing to you?
2007 Form 1099-Misc.

What are you listening to right now?
Indie 103.1 fm

What is the last pill you swallowed?
Some intestinal flora-balancing herbal shit my mom gave me.

Do you smoke?
Smoking is for hipsters and white trash. Interesting paradox.

Is there anyone you would like to fight?
If necessary, I'll pull a blade.

Do you like somone right now?
Dumb question. Next.

Do you know what tofu is?
I've become familiar with it over the years, yes.

Have you ever eaten it?
A time or two. Or million.

Do you want to go back to middle school?
Pass.

Have you ever watched the Britney Spears movie Crossroads?
Epic Fail, as internet nerds would say.

What did you do yesterday?
Worked, made a fantastic Mango Guacamole, made my ears ring, packed DVDs and books in boxes, watched Top Chef.

Who did you ride in a car with last?
Dawn, Chase & John.

Are you tired?
Meh.

Who were you with last night?
Dawn

Last movie you watched?
Sarah Marshall

Ever had a crush on a teacher?
Absolutely fucking disgusting. Never, ever ever.

Do you wish at 11:11?
Superstitions are for the weak-minded.

Contacts or glasses?
20/20+

Do you play any instruments?
Any and all, with the exception of banjo and brass instruments, which I refuse to go near.

To cool for school?
Obviously.

any piercings? where?
Pass.

Last person you hugged?
Dawn Bon Jovi

In the past 24 hours what did you do?
Fuck, I thought I already answered that.

Who/What made you angry today?
Nothing yet, bsides thinking about the state of affairs in the current world.

Do you download music?
In addition to the 60 or so records I buy a year? Yeah, whatevs.

Have you ever bungee jumped?
Nay.

How many pets do you have?
1 cat/racoon/lemur/panda hybrid.

Ever had an antfarm?
I don't think I ever got around to adding the ants.

Has anyone you were close to passed away recently?
Thankfully no.

Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
Various blow up mattresses. I travel prepared.

What's the closest orange object to you?
The "Publish Post" button on Blogger.

What is your natural hair color?
Mostly darkish brown, for the time being.

Where was your default picture taken?
CA, Costa Mesa, Santa Ana Ave., my living room, the couch.

Super Lame, dude.

-I hate Superman. This pretty much sums up why.

-Lots of new records lately, mostly new releases. 2008 is shaping up pretty well. Here is the shit I've spent too much money on lately:
-The Raconteurs: Consolers of the Lonely. It's definitely different than the Abbey Road + Led Zeppelin III glory of their first record, but, then again, the Beatles and Zeppelin aren't my only favorite bands (just the top 2), and The Raconteurs are certainly my favorite rock and roll band currently in business (I think, but odds are good I'll edit that later). Not better or worse (weeeeeell, maybe slightly not-as-awesome) as Broken Boy Soldiers.
-The Sword: Gods of the Earth. Certainly not as good as their first record. A good listen though. Dudes have been listening to Blood Mountain (awesome, btw) a lot and it shows. Could be worse though. They could've had Dragonforce in their cd players while writing the record. Thank god(s) they didn't.
-Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds: Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!! FUCK YOU, amazon.com, FUCK YOU. This is why I never preorder shit. The record I was most excited for this year, and it's at least 3 days late getting to me. It's one of the best Nick Cave records though, which, admittedly, is like saying one lung is better than the other. (Note: the only dvd I've ever preordered, There Will Be Blood, arrived before it's street date, but it's not like I can listen to that to and from work. Well, maybe it is...)
-Jonny Greenwood: There Will Be Blood ST. My obsession with the movie trumps my hatred for the "World's Most Revolutionary Band!" (or whatever Pitchfork and the general public [that is, the ones that "totally know good music"] is heralding them as these days). Plus, I harbor a secret desire to score films.
-Wire: Chairs Missing. You may have heard, I love Wire. Their remasters are the best in the business.
-The Vaselines: The Way of The Vaselines. Along with The Wipers records, something I've been meaning to pick up since, I don't know... 9th grade? Rationale: Kurt Cobain championed them.
Recounting a conversation between my 2 (also Nirvana-obsessed) best friends at the time:
Josh: "Hey Jeremy, I've got The Vaselines at my house!"
-The Evens: Get Evens. Rationale: I'm an Ian McKaye acolyte. Dare I say, though, I don't like it. I liked the first one, but this one seems like bad, political, pretentious hippie music, which is understandable.

[I spent all this time formatting this post, and blogger killed all my work. Fucked.]